“Why haven’t you called me back?”
“You wanted me to be less available. So I was trying to be less available.”
“And then I realized that I had made my stomach flip all on my own. And it felt really nice.”
A favourite quote from Carrie in Sex and the City – Drama Queens, this is something females have a tendency to do ALL THE TIME in relationships. We over-analyse, over-think, over-worry about minor details and make ourselves believe that something is wrong.
Haven’t heard back from your man when you texted him three hours ago? He must be ignoring you on purpose or too busy flirting with another girl to reply. It can’t possibly be that he’s in a meeting, at the movies or his phone has died, oh no. Let’s ignore the more rational options and chose the far less likely, far more frustrating ones.
Even the most rational females can find themselves with their feet hitting the pavement, waving hello to their mind as it runs away with them. To make matters worse, the longer you don’t hear back from your man the longer you have to conjure up these irrational scenarios, each one more outrageous than the last.
The stages of this are always the same, too. Firstly, you wonder what he’s up to. You get a little bit annoyed but assure yourself, “he’ll reply any minute now”, hoping that if you check your phone every 10 seconds it will make him reply quicker (it won’t). After a while you start to worry that something might be wrong, he might have been in an accident or injured. More time passes and you figure if something was wrong, someone would have told you, so instead you think he’s ignoring you. Then you wonder why he’s ignoring you. Have you done something wrong? Cue running through all couple-related events over the last 24 hours…make that the last week. Nothing ringing any bells? Then maybe he’s just not interested anymore? Or is he cheating on you? Then you really start to get annoyed. “It doesn’t take long to send one little text but if he doesn’t want to reply to me that’s fine. I won’t reply to him. Ever. He can get screwed! Asshole.”
And after all of this worrying, anger and frustration, your phone buzzes. He’s calling you. He sounds terrible. The first words out of his mouth are an apology for not getting back to you sooner. He’s been in bed sleeping the last three hours as he’s come down with the flu. While you’ve been working yourself up and actually managed to become annoyed at him. All over nothing.
I’d like to say we learn from this mistake the first time and when faced with this situation again, we know not to worry. But the mind is a mysterious thing and the more time you’re left alone with it, the crazier it can get. Sure enough, you will make your stomach flip countless time throughout your dating life, only to realize it was all over nothing. But there is some comfort to take from this; we only worry because we don’t want anything to be wrong, with him or the relationship itself. We worry because we care. It’s just one of the many joys that come with the territory of being in love.