I have received a myriad of responses when telling people my boyfriend is going to Europe for a 2 month holiday. A classic came from my father the other night;
Me: He’s going on a contiki around Europe.
Dad: *Smirks* Good luck with that, honey.
Luck? Do I really need luck? Granted, my father’s understanding of what constitutes a contiki tour comes from the 1960/70s when the world was preaching ‘free love’, however this isn’t the only response I’ve had along these lines.
The most common follow up question is, “Are you ok with that?” followed by “Aren’t you worried about what he could get up to?” I’ve even been asked “Aren’t you mad at him?” That last one particularly threw me off. However, all of them seem absurd to me.
The idea of a partner planning to leave without you to holiday for several months can be upsetting and even frustrating if you have been together several years, as you’ll wonder why they didn’t want to go away with you. I, however, am not in that situation. I haven’t even hit the one year mark in my relationship and it is in this type of situation that I call these questions ‘absurd’.
I do believe that this is where the last question ties in though, as being mad could relate to not being invited, followed by insecurity and wondering ‘why?’. I have no such concerns. After less than a year together, I would not advise spending 24 hours a day together for 2 months straight in multiple countries that don’t speak your language. You’re just asking for opportunities to fight and destroy the relationship. You’re also rushing into things a little too fast. Any relationship will be tested when you’re with the same person for that long. You wouldn’t go into an exam without spending a lot of time beforehand getting to know as much as you can about to the topic, would you? Likewise, don’t go into the extended holiday test underprepared.
In regards to the first two questions, my response would be as follows;
“Are you ok with that?”
Naturally, I am going to miss him, but of course I am ok with his leaving. Those who have been to Europe will tell you this isn’t an opportunity to be missed. More than ‘ok’ with it, I am excited for him.
“Aren’t you worried about what he could get up to?”
No. It’s as simple as that. Why? Because I TRUST him. A major player in a relationship, trust is something that should cross continents. Trust isn’t real if it is subject to location, to situation, to how easily you can get in contact. I trust him here. And if I can trust him when he’s staying at his ex-girlfriend’s house while visiting her in Melbourne (we might discuss that one later), then I can trust him when he goes to explore the world. I trust him to stay the great person he is, I trust him to do the right thing by me, and I trust him to tell me if anything changes while he’s away.
I understand that some people would be worried. But, if you love someone, and if they love you, shouldn’t you be secure in your relationship, no matter where you are?