The other day, I was feeling good and I was feeling funny and I started writing a list of all the reasons why being single is great. It included things such as ‘you don’t get a dead arm from spooning your pillow’. And then, roughly 3 hours later, I was a lonely mess, shouting back at my iPhone notes: Yeah, but a pillow doesn’t spoon you back, you stupid, insensitive notes! That’s basically been my life for the past 2 weeks.
See, break ups are hard. Even if you instigated it. Even if your partner was a jerk and you know you’re better off. Even if you knew it was coming. Even if you weren’t even really together. Break ups suck a big bag of dicks. They just do.
Break ups make you question your choices, your ability to be happy on your own and what the hell you used to do with all your spare time (seriously, you’ll need a new hobby). They push your insecurities to the forefront of your mind. They are not fun.
I’ve realised that my break ups tend to lack a fundamental feeling that normally helps people to move on. See, I’ve never been mad at my (ex) partner. My break ups are clean and always end on good terms. Sure, this sounds great and for the most part, it is. On the other hand, it means that I can’t focus on turning my sadness into anger. Anger is a great way to get over someone; you stop missing them because you realise they weren’t a good person. I’ve never experienced that.
Instead, I date great guys who think I’m equally great… Just not great enough to stay with. Go figure. I can’t be mad at them because they didn’t really do anything wrong. It’s very confusing. I start to question why they didn’t want to stay, even if I know it had nothing to do with me. Oh hello, insecurities, you’re right on time! Please, come in and make yourself at home.
I honestly don’t know which is harder. Suffice to say, break ups suck.
The good news is (aside from that list about being single – more to come on that later) time really does cure all. The first few weeks are always the hardest. But it does get better. How do I know this? Well, I’ve been told I give quite good relationship advice and I’ve been telling myself this a lot recently, so it must be true. I guess only time will tell.