Apparently it’s the season to be breaking up, with a bunch of celebrity couples recently calling it quits, according to Cosmo. I’m normally not one to believe the magazine gossip but this seems to ring true in real life – maybe something to do with the year coming to an end, people reflecting on their last 12 months and what they want for the next 12.
While this doesn’t apply to me, it did get me thinking about break ups and particularly how people deal with them. Everyone has a different way of coping. Perhaps you pull out the emergency Ben and Jerry’s and cry while reading over old texts. Perhaps you instantly erase their existence, deleting his phone number, unfriending him and throwing away his tshirt. Perhaps you drag your friends out for a night of single girl dancing, debauchery and rebound hunting.
I know I have a pattern whenever someone breaks up with me. I handle it the same way, I move on in the same way.
First, I cry. A lot. I think about how wonderful they were and all the wonderful things they did and all the wonderful times we had together. I am sad, I miss them and I cry. This first stage varies in length. Sometimes it might only last a week. Sometimes it continues over months.
After thinking they are wonderful and being sad, I switch gears. I chuck it in reverse, go back and think of all the flaws. There are always flaws. We are human, so everyone has them. We might find them hard to see when we’ve got our rose coloured glasses on but those shades are long gone now and the flaws start to come into focus. Big or small, it doesn’t matter, just find some flaws.
And if you can’t think of any flaws, if your ex defied humanity and was, in fact, a perfect person, then think about the flaw of why the relationship is over. They chose to end things with you. They didn’t value or appreciate you as much as they should have. They chose to leave without asking you to follow them. They chose to leave for someone else. They chose to leave to ‘find themselves’ because they weren’t convinced their place was next to you.
I ask myself why on earth I would want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with me, who didn’t appreciate me, who chose not to wake up next to me anymore. They couldn’t see what they were letting go of and that is a major flaw.
I find these flaws and remind myself of them, over and over again, until I don’t have to remind myself anymore and I just know. I know that the relationship was flawed and I am better off without it. I know that while all relationships have flaws, they didn’t think ours was worth sticking around for, and I am worth more than that.
And then I smile to myself and realise what an idiot they were.