There is a lady in my life I’ve always had a bit of a crush on (okay, there’s more than one but I’m only here to talk about one for now). She started off as the friend of a friend. She was one of those girls I instantly liked, before I even knew her. One of those girls I Facebook stalked constantly, thinking how gorgeous she looked in all her photos. As it turns out, she’s a total babe in real life, too.
Now that I’m actually friends with her (it’s so much easier to stalk someone once they’ve accepted your friend request) I’ve learnt that even people you think are amazing will have doubts about themselves. Hearing truly amazing girls doubt themselves is always disheartening. Knowing it’s because someone else has made them think that way is sickening.
You see, my friend is struggling to let go of a relationship, something almost everyone can relate to. The problem? This is a relationship that has done nothing for her confidence except bring it down. This is a girl who is worth so much more than she is being told. And the worst part is that the longer someone tells you that you aren’t good enough, eventually you start to believe it.
The irony is that my friend is painfully aware of how bad this boy (not worthy of the title ‘man’) is. She knows he is deceitful, rude, selfish. Unfortunately, it is easy to overlook the bad parts once you’ve fallen in love with someone and it is hard to let them go. It is hard to get out of the habit of talking to them every day. It is hard letting go of a relationship when it feels like giving up, when it feels like failing.
But sometimes, giving up on someone doesn’t mean you are failing and it certainly doesn’t mean you have failed as a girlfriend. It simply means you are giving up on being disappointed, frustrated, upset or annoyed. You’re giving up the part of your life that was bringing you down.
So to her, or anyone struggling to let go of a relationship that you know isn’t good for you, the self doubt has to go. You are stunning, smart and talented. You have achieved great things (in her case, among others, raising 2 beautiful little girls) and will continue to do so. You are a total babe and ‘total babe’ is a trait everyone loves. Anytime you doubt this, just come back here and remind yourself of how truly awesome you are. After all, if you don’t love yourself, how will anyone else? The key to future happiness in relationships is to start by being happy with yourself. The key to being happy with yourself is to let go of all the things that are making you unhappy – ungrateful, no good ex boyfriends included.
Yes, it can feel close to impossible to get over someone you dedicated your life to for some length of time. But when that person is lowering your self-worth, stressing you out and making you cry more than they make you smile, it’s time to kick them to curb and never look back. And if that’s too hard to do on your own? Gather your friends and ask them to skip with you along that footpath, smiling and laughing and yelling at you if your head even slightly turns to look around, until you’re able to do it on your own. And remember; don’t be afraid that you won’t find someone to settle down with one day, be afraid that thoughts like that might lead you to settle for less than you’re worth – because that would be the real tragedy.