other half

Soul. Mate.

The idea that there is one person out there who will love you more, love you better, and love you longer than anyone else. The idea that this one person will complete you. A nice idea, in theory. In reality? That’s one person out of the 6,973,738,433 people in the world you’re meant to find to become your ‘other half’. As if, without them, you are not a whole person. If you chose to believe that sort of thing, of course.

I don’t.

I don’t believe that there is one person who was made for you. I concede that, naturally, there are people who are better suited to you. Everyone has experienced this, when you meet someone and find yourself comfortable around them from the beginning. These are generally the people you call bestfriends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives. But to be made for someone is pre-determined. As if, from birth, you were meant to become attached to this person and this person only. If there’s only one person who’s right for you, that leaves a lot who are wrong.

So, if you fall in love and it ends, then you fall in love again and it lasts, does this mean that the first time it wasn’t ‘real’? Perhaps, or perhaps it was just different. I believe we are meant to fall in love over and over again. In every way possible. Just because the relationship doesn’t last, doesn’t mean it wasn’t love. Many factors come in to tear apart a relationship, but that doesn’t make them any less full of love.

I also believe that, given time, you can fall in love with anyone. If you stay with someone long enough then there are good things there, things you like about them, otherwise why else would you stay? And the more time you spend together the more you will care about them. Those things you like about them will turn into things you love about them. Those feelings will turn into love.

The problem with ‘soulmates’ is that it makes the concept of living with one person for the rest of your life seem like it should be easy. If they are your soulmate, you will agree on things, you will understand each other all the time, there won’t be any upsets. People worry that if this isn’t the case, maybe you weren’t meant to be. Maybe you weren’t. But maybe, just maybe, loving someone for the rest of your life actually takes a bit of work. Maybe you need to put in effort, take time to listen and learn that people see things in different ways, no matter how compatible you are.

The idea of a soulmate can set you up with false expectations and great disappointment. Love can be hard to find sometimes, without this added pressure. If you really need to find one to feel as though your life is complete, look to your bestfriend instead. If that person is also your lover, work hard to hold onto them forever.