relationships; knowing your partner; getting to know

Useless Facts About Past Loves

I know things about my ex-boyfriends that no one else does. I know if they are self conscious about having 3 grey hairs. I know if they secretly aspire to owning their own business. I know if they sleep on the left side of the bed. I know that when they say ‘I’ve had a bad day’ they mean ‘I’ve been over thinking and need to talk it out’. I know that their best friend isn’t the one they spend the most time with. Granted, I made up all these things up (to ensure I don’t spill any secrets), my point still stands.

We spend time getting to know the ins and outs of someone and everything that makes them who they are and then, one day, things end. And suddenly we have all this knowledge about one specific person, and nothing to do with it.

You hear people ask ‘when you stop dating someone, where does the love go?’ My question is, when you stop dating someone, where does all that information go? What do you do with it? It isn’t transferable to your next partner (or at least, it shouldn’t be, unless you date the exact same people over and over); I’m pretty sure their new partner won’t want any handover notes or insight from you. It’s like all these little bits of information you’ve built on over the months, years, become worthless. Do we simply push them aside; forget about them to make way for the intricacies of your next lover?

When relationships end, it can seem like such a pointless feat. Why did we bother learning everything about this one person? What good came of it? But, you know, I wouldn’t change it for the world. There are mixed opinions as to what is the best part of a relationship – is it the early stages, when you are first getting to know each other and each new piece of information gets you closer to completing the puzzle? Is it later on, when you have discovered all their little quirks, everything that makes them, uniquely them, and you have a sense of true connection?

I honestly can’t answer that question; I love both parts and at the same, often wish for the part I don’t have. I love getting to know someone and I love knowing someone inside out. I just end up with all these little bits of information that can’t be applied to anything else in my life. Everything that was so important and treasured so dearly, is never to be spoken of again.

Once this knowledge has crept to an unlit corner in the back of my mind, sitting next to other redundancies such as how to multiply fractions, there is one thing I will continue to treasure – no matter whether or not it lasts, I have connected with someone on such a profound level that I felt comfortable sharing everything about myself with them and, in return, having the privilege of discovering parts of them few others know. That’s a pretty powerful connection. That’s what makes it worthwhile, long after the information ceases to be.