sex

Is Three a Crowd?

Threesome. Three people, two syllables, one interesting conversation topic. The reaction you get from mentioning this idea to different people spans far and wide. Mention it to my closest friends, for example, and they will jump right in with whether they would, how they would and when they would. Mention it to a group of males and they get excited, like a puppy that’s about to be granted play-time with his master; all tongue panting and tail wagging. A part time friend or acquaintance takes on a slightly cautious stance, wondering whether you are propositioning them…

The idea of a threesome is portrayed as hot, sexy, the holy grail of bedroom antics. But what about those times when it’s awkward, clumsy, nerve-racking? What if you were meant to be in the centre of the action but instead are left sitting on the sidelines? Instead of looking sexy and in control you more closely resemble a fish flailing about out of water? What is the best way to go about taking on the three eyed sex monster?

1. The ratio
The most commonly thought of scenario is the male-female-female ratio, however that doesn’t make it the most occurring. MFF first comes to mind for a number of reasons. For males this is seen as the height of sexual prowess, with almost 40% of Australian men saying it is their ultimate fantasy. On top of this, a bunch of online surveys claim that women are more likely to find the idea of exploring sex with a women during a threesome a turn on (whether or not you can trust these surveys is another question). Finally, women look better naked, so having 2 of them in one room can only be good, right? However, male-male-female setups are a common occurrence, probably for the fact that they are easier to set up as men are happy to ‘tag team’ a woman rather than vice versa.

At the end of the day, you need to know what you want out of the arrangement. All the attention on you? Make sure the other two are the sex you’re attracted to. Happy to try some uncharted waters? Bring in one of each to join your adventures. Strictly gay? Easy, three of a kind 😉

2. The relationship
Are you a couple looking to spice things up, the extra person to another couple’s fantasy, three single people ready for some fun?

The dynamics of the group come down to what you are comfortable with. For me, it’s important to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons – that it is something you want to try out and do not feel pressured by anyone else, especially if you are in a relationship. Threesome’s have the possibility of breaking up a relationship if both parties aren’t on board or if it is being used as a quick fix to heat things up in a relationship where the flame burnt out long ago. The minefields that surround a threesome as a couple often rule this option out for people, who would prefer to play with rotating singles, rather than two on one.

3. The rules
The first question about rules is whether to even set any. Rules can ruin the fun and spontaneity of a threesome, however they are often necessary. While you can try to plan a threesome from the beginning – deciding you want one, heading out to source willing participants and organising a time to meet up, these things are often better if they come about in an organic way. However, once you’re there, it’s not a bad idea to set some basic ground rules – how far you’re willing to go, is everyone receiving the same treatment, are certain things off limits? It will make for a more enjoyable time if everyone knows some basic guidelines to begin with.

While threesome’s aren’t for everyone, the thing that interests me most is the number of people I’ve met who have said they’d be willing to try it out one day. According to the Great Australian Sex Census 2012, WA has the highest percentage of people who’ve had a threesome, compared to all other Aussie states. Nothing is off limits in the bedroom these days and threesomes seem to be on the cards wherever I turn lately.

Let’s Talk About Sex

It’s one of those subjects everyone has an opinion on. And if you get a group of girls together, they love to talk about it. How long should you wait before sleeping with someone for the first time? How many partners is too many? Can you have sex with no strings attached?

Sex should be meaningful, it’s the closest you can be to another person and it should be saved for people you truly feel a close connection with. You should wait a certain amount of time, and only when you are in a relationship, to make sure someone is right for you and to ensure you won’t regret your actions. Do you really want to hit double digits and find half of it was wasted on people who didn’t deserve to crack a mention on your ‘to do’ list to begin with?

Sex is just sex, it should be fun. If it’s there and if you want it, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the person, you should go for it. You may never get the chance again. You need to take it for what it is – a physical act between two people. Don’t place too high an emphasis on sex. You are free to do it as much as you like, however you like, with whoever you like. Plus, it helps burn fat and is a great source of cardio, so if you’re not one for hitting the gym (unless it’s to hit on the people there) sex is a great way to keep fit, too.

The truth is, I have friends who view sex in both of these completely polar ways. Some scoff at one night stands in disgust. Some revel in the idea of great sex, no matter who it’s with. Both views are right. The thing with sex is, it’s a topic where yours is the only opinion that matters. Sure, you can ask for advice from your friends but the odds are that they will come back to you with an array of responses anyway, each telling you different things, and thus confusing you even more.

You can’t live your life by other people’s morals. What’s right for your bestfriend isn’t the same as what’s right for you. You need to make your own decisions when it comes to this. Think about what you’re happy with, what you want, what you might regret more the next day – doing it, or missing out.

There are no cut and dry answers to these questions. In the end, it’s just a matter of doing what feels right for you, what you’re comfortable with. Don’t rush into things if you’re not ready. Saying no is, and always will be, completely fine and 100% up to you. Don’t hold back if it’s something you want to do, either. Sex isn’t something that’s meant to be hard (insert obvious pun here) – it should be a decision based on what your gut is telling you. Believe it or not, guts are actually quite smart things to listen to, despite not being able to talk.

Most importantly, don’t worry about what people will think. Society has told us to go after what we want, that we have the freedom to make our own decisions. Don’t be afraid that the decisions you make might be critised by society later – it’s just being a hypocritical bastard if that’s the case. And your friends, the people whose opinions actually do matter to you? Well, if they are real friends, they will be happy you did what you wanted. The truth is, yours is the only opinion that matters anyway. Make sure that’s the one you base your decisions on. All your decisions.