Threesome. Three people, two syllables, one interesting conversation topic. The reaction you get from mentioning this idea to different people spans far and wide. Mention it to my closest friends, for example, and they will jump right in with whether they would, how they would and when they would. Mention it to a group of males and they get excited, like a puppy that’s about to be granted play-time with his master; all tongue panting and tail wagging. A part time friend or acquaintance takes on a slightly cautious stance, wondering whether you are propositioning them…
The idea of a threesome is portrayed as hot, sexy, the holy grail of bedroom antics. But what about those times when it’s awkward, clumsy, nerve-racking? What if you were meant to be in the centre of the action but instead are left sitting on the sidelines? Instead of looking sexy and in control you more closely resemble a fish flailing about out of water? What is the best way to go about taking on the three eyed sex monster?
1. The ratio
The most commonly thought of scenario is the male-female-female ratio, however that doesn’t make it the most occurring. MFF first comes to mind for a number of reasons. For males this is seen as the height of sexual prowess, with almost 40% of Australian men saying it is their ultimate fantasy. On top of this, a bunch of online surveys claim that women are more likely to find the idea of exploring sex with a women during a threesome a turn on (whether or not you can trust these surveys is another question). Finally, women look better naked, so having 2 of them in one room can only be good, right? However, male-male-female setups are a common occurrence, probably for the fact that they are easier to set up as men are happy to ‘tag team’ a woman rather than vice versa.
At the end of the day, you need to know what you want out of the arrangement. All the attention on you? Make sure the other two are the sex you’re attracted to. Happy to try some uncharted waters? Bring in one of each to join your adventures. Strictly gay? Easy, three of a kind 😉
2. The relationship
Are you a couple looking to spice things up, the extra person to another couple’s fantasy, three single people ready for some fun?
The dynamics of the group come down to what you are comfortable with. For me, it’s important to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons – that it is something you want to try out and do not feel pressured by anyone else, especially if you are in a relationship. Threesome’s have the possibility of breaking up a relationship if both parties aren’t on board or if it is being used as a quick fix to heat things up in a relationship where the flame burnt out long ago. The minefields that surround a threesome as a couple often rule this option out for people, who would prefer to play with rotating singles, rather than two on one.
3. The rules
The first question about rules is whether to even set any. Rules can ruin the fun and spontaneity of a threesome, however they are often necessary. While you can try to plan a threesome from the beginning – deciding you want one, heading out to source willing participants and organising a time to meet up, these things are often better if they come about in an organic way. However, once you’re there, it’s not a bad idea to set some basic ground rules – how far you’re willing to go, is everyone receiving the same treatment, are certain things off limits? It will make for a more enjoyable time if everyone knows some basic guidelines to begin with.
While threesome’s aren’t for everyone, the thing that interests me most is the number of people I’ve met who have said they’d be willing to try it out one day. According to the Great Australian Sex Census 2012, WA has the highest percentage of people who’ve had a threesome, compared to all other Aussie states. Nothing is off limits in the bedroom these days and threesomes seem to be on the cards wherever I turn lately.